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Southern Cops…

Thoughtful Readers..

I ran across this the other day, so I thought I would share it with you. These are supposed to be actual comments taken from traffic stops by troopers in a southern state (which shall remain nameless!!). I cannot vouch for the accuracy of these quotes, but it doesn’t really matter.  Caught on video camera and microphone, these comments have made forever famous, actions and words which should apply to all traffic encounters with police everywhere.

We all need to smile just a little bit more, and these officers are doing their best to help us do that, Enjoy!!! 
 

*SOUTHERN COPS HAVE A WAY WITH WORDS*

 

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1. “You know, stop lights don’t come any redder than the one you just went through.”

2. “Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they’re new. They’ll stretch after you wear them a while.”

3. “If you take your hands off the car, I’ll make your birth certificate a worthless document.”

4. “If you run, you’ll only go to jail tired.”

5. “Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that’s the speed of the bullet that’ll be chasing you.”

6. “You don’t know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?”

7. “Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don’t think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I’m the shift supervisor?”

8. “Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I’m warning you not to do that again or I’ll give you another ticket.”

9. “The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?”

10. “Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop.”

11. “Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven.”

12. “In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC.” (National Crime Information Center)

13. “Just how big were those ‘two beers’ you say you had?”

14. “No sir, we don’t have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we’re allowed to write as many tickets as we can.”

15. “I’m glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail.”

AND THE WINNER IS….
16.. “You didn’t think we give pretty women tickets? You’re right, we don’t. ** ** Sign here.** ** 
 
 
 
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Be Well…
Howard

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The Exit…

Marilyn's Avatar Pic

The Exit

by
Marilyn McLeod

 
 
Life is full of stops and starts so to speak. The most emotional of these is birth and death—-the ultimate beginning and ending. Every family goes through them and each member seems to have their own perspective on the event.

My mother in law Harriett has been failing for months. At the age of 94 we all knew her exit from this world was near. Surprising us all, she met each threat to her health with a fierce rally and appeared to be on course to complete another year with us. She’s a sturdy soul; full of spit and fire. That personality at the retirement home has presented some big challenges to the staff. The necessity of having a roommate emerged when she moved into the nursing section of the facility. Finding the perfect “roomy” was quite a trick. It seemed the TV was one of the main sources of contention. Being head strong and sure she should rule the television, she warred with several roommates over what they were going to watch. She preferred sports and loved football and golf. One roommate loved only Shirley Temple movies and could watch them all day long! This would never do and Harriett would take control of the remote whenever the opportunity arose. The home tried to please them all by moving several ladies in and then eventually out of Harriett’s domain. They finally settled on a sweet little lady who was comatose. This was the perfect choice. Harriett could now watch whatever she chose!

In late October as the weather turned cooler Harriett came down with what she labeled “a flu”. We called to check on her and she did sound like she had “a flu”. She sounded very sick indeed. The family remained on watch with members who lived close by checking on her several times a day. We live in Texas and she was in California so our contact was by phone at that point. Sensing the end may be near, our daughter Michelle wanted to say goodbye to her grandma in person so she got on a plane to take that four-hour flight into LAX. Because his mama was going, my grandson Atticus was sure he should go as well to bid adieu to the great-grandmother he knew as “Mimi”. Now, he’s seven and we felt death had no clear definition in his mind. He had been told it was final but does a child understand that concept?

With her health declining, Harriett was put on oxygen to keep her comfortable and Hospice was called in. As the reality of her up-coming demise set in, Harriett made plans to get her hair done. At 94 and on her death-bed a woman still has her vanity!

When Michelle and Atticus arrived at the nursing home Harriett had been sedated. They sat by her side and waited for her to wake up. Five minutes of sitting is about all Atticus was good for and he asked if he could play a video game. He quickly engrossed himself in his DS tuning out everything around him. Harriett’s daughter Jeanne arrived on the scene and joined Michelle in a vigil that soon turned to a talkative visit. They were deep in conversation when a nurse from the home came in to check on Harriett. Much to their surprise, they were informed that Harriett had passed. Looking up from his DS, Atticus confirmed the diagnosis and said, “Yep, she’s dead”. He quickly turned his attention back to his game.

So in the eyes of a seven year old death was very matter of fact that day. “Yep, she’s dead” pretty well covered it. Since that experience Atticus has been rather preoccupied with questions about death. He asked if his dog Huckle would die some day. His mother told him yes and that they would bury him in the back yard. Attie’s reply was, “Can you dig him up once in a while so I can play with him. I know I’m really gonna miss him!” Everyone smiled at that one.

A death in the family brings on a lot of nostalgia and we got out old pictures to reminisce over. There was Harriett as a cute six year old with a huge bow tipping slightly to the right, bobby pinned into her short hair. Then there was Harriett the young bride appearing to weigh a slight 100 pounds at best. (Why is it we get rounder and fluffier as we age?) More pictures revealed me in my 20’s with Harriett and the family. Atticus took a look at that picture and said, “It’s Granny with a fresh face!” Out of the mouths of babes—so cute! It was Granny with a fresh face and I’m glad he recognized me!

They’re planning a celebration of life ceremony next month for Harriett. Well, really I should say Harriett has planned that ceremony. She wrote out every word of this event in her last years of life with details such as, “Deanne will sing Amazing Grace and then everyone will stand in a circle and say The Lord’s Prayer.” etc. This lady left nothing to chance regarding her exit plan and how she should be mourned.

She had also planned her burial which was attended only by family and very close friends. It had a few glitches she would not have approved of. For one, she arrived in the wrong coffin. She had specifically wanted a coffin just like her departed husband’s. When she arrived in what appeared to be a white Styrofoam box we all knew we were in trouble. Well, it turned out not to be Styrofoam but a metal coffin covered in white fabric. This was absolutely not what her husband had been buried in. After some tense moments and more investigation by the funeral home we were told this had been her first choice until she found the one that her husband had been buried in and then her “first choice” changed to that one which was steel grey and very sturdy—-much like her I must say! The trail of paperwork had taken them back to her other “first choice” which we left as it was in hopes she’ll rest just as well in the white one. The other glitch involved her choice of preachers for the funeral. The man she preferred and who had done her husband’s ceremony had recently left their church and signed a “non-compete” contract stating he would not do any weddings, funerals or events for his past church members for the next six months. So, her planning had to be altered to accommodate this new legal glitch and the man who performed the funeral had no first hand knowledge of Harriett.

I wonder if planning and control are really ours in the end. It appears to be a time to let go and let God. As a family we did our best to give her a good send off all in all. Hopefully that will suffice.

As the youngest member of our clan, Atticus has given us some wonderful quotes to lighten the days of his great grandmother’s illness and departure. “Yep, she’s dead” bypasses the sugar-coating we often affix to death and puts it squarely where it should be—a reality of finality—-the ultimate exit as seen through the eyes of a child.

Poetry–Under-appreciated Works #2

Thoughtful Readers…

This is the second in a series of works that I deem somewhat “under-appreciated.”

As I noted in the first poetry post, I ocasionally stumble upon (and read..) a work about which I know nothing. I try to uncover its roots but fail. It is essentially a “lost work.” Usually (and in fact always in this blog…), these works are unknown. That is to say the author is unknown. Usually the date of the work is unknown as well. These works have existed for some time and because someone, somewhere wrote them down, they still exist.

One other thing to note. Please understand, that these works are not mine. I did not control the author’s writing, or their use of words and terminology. That is a nice way to say that I am not responsible for the political correctness (or lack thereof…) of the words or thoughts as expressed in these works. It is not my intent to cause any consternation among the readers here, or to imply any form of prejudice or bias based on nationality, politics, creed, race, religion or anything else you would care to assign to it. This is the way the authors wrote them….and hence the way they appear here.

If you read these works and recognize them, good for you. You are ahead of me. I did not. My only purpose here is to keep some of these obscure works from fading into the great abyss.

This work is short. The message it conveys is clear!!  Once again, author unknown.
   
 

JUDGED BY THE COMPANY ONE KEEPS 
 

One night in late October,
When I was far from sober,
Returning with my load with manly pride,
My feet began to stutter,
So I lay down in the gutter,
And a pig came near and lay down by my side;
A lady passing by was heard to say:
“You can tell a man who boozes,
By the company he chooses,”
And the pig got up and slowly walked away.

Unknown

 
 
As always, comments welcome.

Be well,
Howard

A Stethoscope…???

Thoughtful Readers….

Some of you may have seen this…It has been around the web a little for the last few weeks. An interesting example of getting a message across many boundaries. You don’t have to agree with the sentiment to understand and appreciate the media and the production.

Anyway, it’s an interesting production. Watch it until the end! See if you can guess what is being “advertised” before you get to the end. You probably will be surprised—I was.!!

via A ad about a Stethoscope.

Scorpion sting leaves Arizona woman with huge bill – CenturyLink™

Thoughtful readers…

I saw this article earlier today and decided to grab it with the “Press This” app. This is one of those things that make you stop reading with a  “did I read that right..??” and go back and re-read more carefully just to be certain. It so happens that I did read it right……and I still can’t believe it. This is an example of what is wrong with our health care system here in the U.S.  I am not going to make this about politics. We are all certainly aware of the political turmoil, strife, innuendo, etc. that is flowing freely from both donkeys and elephants. Your own political bent aside…can you imagine what this would feel like if you were the patient? Sort of a giant sucker punch to the old solar plexus wouldn’t you say..???

I have to ask…Was the patient aware of this before the procedure? She claims not… Was the patient in grave, imminent danger??  Hmmm, I didn’t think scorpions in the U.S. were usually considered to be dangerous to humans. One of the sources I looked up claims no one has died of a scorpion sting in the U.S. in more than twenty years. Yes, I know that people die from scorpion stings occasionally. World wide, it happens many times every year. There are several species that are quite large and dangerous. Thankfully they live in Africa and other regions far away from the U.S.. Yes, there are one or two species in the U.S. that have the potential to be dangerous to humans, and one of them actually lives in Arizona. So, it COULD happen. But people also die from spiders, bees, wasps, and of course snakes…..and a lot more frequently than once every twenty years!!!

In any event the following is a “Press This” share from CenturyLink and the Associated Press. Take a few minutes, read it, and tell me what you think. The full text of the article is at the link at the bottom.

Phoenix (AP) — An Arizona woman is wondering what hurt more: getting stung by a scorpion or seeing her hospital bill after treatment. Marcie Edmonds says the bill from Chandler Regional Medical Center was more than $83,000. That includes two doses of anti-venom at nearly $40,000 per dose. The Arizona Republic (bit.ly/RD6bX8) says Edmonds’ insurer has paid more than $57,000 and the suburban Phoenix hospital is asking Edmonds for the balance of about $25,000.

via Scorpion sting leaves Arizona woman with huge bill – CenturyLink™.